Useless Superpowers

that wouldnt be useless if you play the wonder guard bug (forgot his name shame on me)
with trick room xD then you could have an imba everything outspeeding pokemon with moveset like
tail glow trick room roar of time and fire blast xD
anyways, back to topic:
the ability to breathe while underwater but you cant swim while doing it
EDIT: or walk. or move in any other ways.

The ability to have the Pokemon with the best stats ever, but its only move would be Splash.

being me. oh wait its the best superpower PSYCH

The ability to be a poster without anything on it.

the ability to be a wall with only blank posters

the ability to be as beautiful as you want but your invisible at the same time

the ability to be invisible but always covered in paint

The ability to kill someone just by seeing him, but being blind.

The ability to have ten toes on each foot.

The ability to drink anything except anything liquid.

The ability to eat anything except food

The ability to knock over open tin soda cans, but only if they're full

The ability to open bags of chips with your mind but not being able to eat them.

The ability to turn into an animal, but whenever you change back into a human, your life span will be the same as that animal only if it's less.

The ability to levitate exactly half an inch off of the ground.

The ability to get tattoos for free, but only other people can see them.

The ability to pet dogs extraordinarily well.

The ability to make yourself allergic to something

The ability to bring your drawings to life, but you suck at art.

The ability to hallucinate things that freak the shit out of you

The ability to experience any pain at any time.

the ability to have an ability that gives you an ability to give yourself the ability to abilitify yourself with the ability which activates an hidden DNA in your face that gives you the ability to have the ability which will give you the ability to give the ability to someone that he/she can give you the ability to have the ability to make invisible rainbows.

The ability to get your dick caught in anything

Lol.
The ability to have Amy ability you want - But you die if you use it.

The ability to always be politically correct. Probably the worst ability out of everything here.